So Shane and I went to the Sox game last Monday...
It was just plain cruel. First of all, there was a 2 hour rain delay to start off with and then they made it through 11 innings and the game got suspended because of all the rain. Though I gotta say those 2 hours were not at all boring. The entire time, they were showing video of funny or interesting baseball blunders. It was soooo hilarious. Whoever edited that ton of footage should seriously get a raise.
Also, since Jerry Owens is injured and I don't get to see him anymore, I needed a new crush to make me feel better about attending a Sox game and not a Cubs game. I am proud to announce that I have moved on to Nick Swisher. He's just generally pretty awesome.
In other news, I am so bored.
Random thoughts
Friday, April 25, 2008
It is simply shocking how fast and how much life can change.
One minute, you feel like you're on top of the world, like everything is going well for you and even then you have this inkling that it's all too good to be true... and it is. Suddenly you're snatched down from your comfortable seat on cloud 9 and brought back to earth in a cruel and unexpected fashion.
I know life isn't supposed to be fair and that it's a good thing it isn't. But that doesn't make things better. Why does it have to be like this? Where has the little confidence I had gone and will it ever come back? I feel so empty, I feel so... not in control. I feel scared and sad and bored.
Yet through all of this I have a wedding in less than a year. No, not a wedding... a marriage. My bright spot in an otherwise dim timelime. Through all of the hard times, God has been here and has given me another human being to cling to when I need it the most. It's amazing how things work. It's mysterious and feels illogical but there's a balance in my life I appreciate. Parts of it suck and other parts are beautiful.
This is my beautiful letdown. The parts of my life that are not happy or bright, the parts of my life that altogether seem not good... are all just a part of the beautiful letdown. In order to open my eyes to the beauty, I must first experience the disappointment. I don't always get it, sometimes I hate it, but in the end I am always grateful for it.
Now all I can do is sit and wait for the next thing to happen. The trick with the "beautiful letdown" is that there is no end to it, at least as long as we're alive and breathing. One thing will come and then the other. So what's next now? A pretty moment or an ugly one?
The waiting makes me nervous.
One minute, you feel like you're on top of the world, like everything is going well for you and even then you have this inkling that it's all too good to be true... and it is. Suddenly you're snatched down from your comfortable seat on cloud 9 and brought back to earth in a cruel and unexpected fashion.
I know life isn't supposed to be fair and that it's a good thing it isn't. But that doesn't make things better. Why does it have to be like this? Where has the little confidence I had gone and will it ever come back? I feel so empty, I feel so... not in control. I feel scared and sad and bored.
Yet through all of this I have a wedding in less than a year. No, not a wedding... a marriage. My bright spot in an otherwise dim timelime. Through all of the hard times, God has been here and has given me another human being to cling to when I need it the most. It's amazing how things work. It's mysterious and feels illogical but there's a balance in my life I appreciate. Parts of it suck and other parts are beautiful.
This is my beautiful letdown. The parts of my life that are not happy or bright, the parts of my life that altogether seem not good... are all just a part of the beautiful letdown. In order to open my eyes to the beauty, I must first experience the disappointment. I don't always get it, sometimes I hate it, but in the end I am always grateful for it.
Now all I can do is sit and wait for the next thing to happen. The trick with the "beautiful letdown" is that there is no end to it, at least as long as we're alive and breathing. One thing will come and then the other. So what's next now? A pretty moment or an ugly one?
The waiting makes me nervous.
Home
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Welp, I am home from New York and the Bahamas!
What a crazy trip it was. I will be posting photos from our day in NY as well as pics from the cruise. I also took a lot of video footage this time that I will try to get on youtube at some point.
Mom, Shane, and I were only in NY for a day (we spent the night in a hotel before our Bahama cruise) but we saw A LOT. From Battery Park we saw the Statue of Liberty, we went up the Empire State Building, we visited the World Trade Center site... which actually brought me to tears, and we spent time in Time Square... which is A.D.D. central. I've never been so distracted in all my life. And I've also learned that you don't know real fear until you've put your life in the hands of a New York City taxi cab driver. They are INSANE.
As for the cruise... not as warm and wonderful as we were hoping but it had its moments. I guess the ship's stabilizer broke at some point which made the entire experience extra choppy in addition to the fact that the ocean itself was producing huge waves. I think everyone got sea sick or at the very least nauseous at some point. It got SO bad that ALL of the water in the on board swimming pool splashed out. It was a big empty square pit. It was ridiculous. And I wish I could explain how it felt to be in the midst of it all. Despite not feeling well for a while, it was actually pretty cool. When the ship would go up and down you'd have these moments where your body would feel zero g's... like you were completely weightless... and the next second you felt like someone was pushing you into the ground.
And now, here I am at home... on stable land... and all I want to do is get back on a ship. My body is not used to this, my head swears that I should still be moving up and down and up and down. I'm actually sitting in a rocking chair as I type this because if I stop rocking, I immediately feel dizzy. What is the opposite of sea sickness? I dunno. But I hope this goes away.
Anyhoo, it didn't go exactly as planned but I had some good experiences that I'm happy to have had. I tasted aligator, road in an airboat on the longest river in Florida, met all kinds of people from all kinds of countries, learned that Root Berry http://www.rootberry.net/Rootberry.Net/Home.html is awesome, and I enjoyed constantly being in the presence of Shane... which is probably a good thing since I will be his wife in less than a year.
There is more to write I am sure, but for now I must get back to the book I am reading. Doctor lent it to me a while back and I am addicted to it now. It's called Shantaram and I highly recommend it.
What a crazy trip it was. I will be posting photos from our day in NY as well as pics from the cruise. I also took a lot of video footage this time that I will try to get on youtube at some point.
Mom, Shane, and I were only in NY for a day (we spent the night in a hotel before our Bahama cruise) but we saw A LOT. From Battery Park we saw the Statue of Liberty, we went up the Empire State Building, we visited the World Trade Center site... which actually brought me to tears, and we spent time in Time Square... which is A.D.D. central. I've never been so distracted in all my life. And I've also learned that you don't know real fear until you've put your life in the hands of a New York City taxi cab driver. They are INSANE.
As for the cruise... not as warm and wonderful as we were hoping but it had its moments. I guess the ship's stabilizer broke at some point which made the entire experience extra choppy in addition to the fact that the ocean itself was producing huge waves. I think everyone got sea sick or at the very least nauseous at some point. It got SO bad that ALL of the water in the on board swimming pool splashed out. It was a big empty square pit. It was ridiculous. And I wish I could explain how it felt to be in the midst of it all. Despite not feeling well for a while, it was actually pretty cool. When the ship would go up and down you'd have these moments where your body would feel zero g's... like you were completely weightless... and the next second you felt like someone was pushing you into the ground.
And now, here I am at home... on stable land... and all I want to do is get back on a ship. My body is not used to this, my head swears that I should still be moving up and down and up and down. I'm actually sitting in a rocking chair as I type this because if I stop rocking, I immediately feel dizzy. What is the opposite of sea sickness? I dunno. But I hope this goes away.
Anyhoo, it didn't go exactly as planned but I had some good experiences that I'm happy to have had. I tasted aligator, road in an airboat on the longest river in Florida, met all kinds of people from all kinds of countries, learned that Root Berry http://www.rootberry.net/Rootberry.Net/Home.html is awesome, and I enjoyed constantly being in the presence of Shane... which is probably a good thing since I will be his wife in less than a year.
There is more to write I am sure, but for now I must get back to the book I am reading. Doctor lent it to me a while back and I am addicted to it now. It's called Shantaram and I highly recommend it.
Summer plans
Monday, April 7, 2008
I don't think I've ever looked forward to a summer as much as I have this one. Usually I really enjoy the winter but this past one was just insanely long.
Anyhoo, so far my plans/goals are...
*A trip to Seattle with the gang. (The gang being Shane, Brian, Andy, Christina, and Jim)
*Figuring out when it is that Mike Birbiglia is coming to Chicago and going to see him
*Hunting down Switchfoot... they are not playing here at all but I am determined to see them somewhere.
*keeping up with working out... my stomach is the smallest it's been in years and I can actually see some abs!
*seeing more of my old friends, I really miss everyone but my work schedule is retarded and when I'm not working I'm either with Shane or doing wedding things with mom.
*doing more scrapbooking. It's a new hobby and I'm learning I'm good at it and it's fun!
*learning more in swing dancing. Brian... you need to quit your job and come teach me more stuff. That's all there is to it.
And there was something else, but I totally forgot it already. Hmmm...
Anyhoo, so far my plans/goals are...
*A trip to Seattle with the gang. (The gang being Shane, Brian, Andy, Christina, and Jim)
*Figuring out when it is that Mike Birbiglia is coming to Chicago and going to see him
*Hunting down Switchfoot... they are not playing here at all but I am determined to see them somewhere.
*keeping up with working out... my stomach is the smallest it's been in years and I can actually see some abs!
*seeing more of my old friends, I really miss everyone but my work schedule is retarded and when I'm not working I'm either with Shane or doing wedding things with mom.
*doing more scrapbooking. It's a new hobby and I'm learning I'm good at it and it's fun!
*learning more in swing dancing. Brian... you need to quit your job and come teach me more stuff. That's all there is to it.
And there was something else, but I totally forgot it already. Hmmm...
Dr.'s Big Give
Thursday, April 3, 2008
So Doctor kept making a big deal about everyone attending the full staff meeting today, he said repeatedly that no one would want to miss it.
So we get our usual handout sheets with what we're going to discuss on it and on the bottom of it in big bold letters is written "Dr.'s Big Give!!!!" So we're all sitting there for the entire meeting wondering what's going on and finally he announces to everyone that he's sending the entire staff to Mexico.
Rooms, airfare, and food will be completely covered by Doctor at an all inclusive resort. Also, he timed this trip perfectly with Shane and mine's wedding... so that we can use it as part of our honeymoon. We can go early or stay later than everyone else or whatever. And even during the time we're there with the staff, we don't even have to do anything with them except attend a couple "meetings" so he can write the whole thing off as a business expense.
Life is good.
As is my boss.
So we get our usual handout sheets with what we're going to discuss on it and on the bottom of it in big bold letters is written "Dr.'s Big Give!!!!" So we're all sitting there for the entire meeting wondering what's going on and finally he announces to everyone that he's sending the entire staff to Mexico.
Rooms, airfare, and food will be completely covered by Doctor at an all inclusive resort. Also, he timed this trip perfectly with Shane and mine's wedding... so that we can use it as part of our honeymoon. We can go early or stay later than everyone else or whatever. And even during the time we're there with the staff, we don't even have to do anything with them except attend a couple "meetings" so he can write the whole thing off as a business expense.
Life is good.
As is my boss.
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