Nevermind the whole job thing

So a couple of days into my job, I started noticing that my boss (the dentist) was being really mean. As time went on, it got worse and worse. He snapped at me for things that weren't my fault, threw temper tantrums, swore, and generally acted unprofessional. He was becoming completely miserable to work with. And the worst was when he would make me look like a fool in front of patients. I felt like he was a bully and there were even a few times I had to take a bathroom break just to cry and keep myself from exploding while working the front desk.

I thought maybe it was just a phase, but one of the assistants saw him yelling at me in front of a patient once, something like "this is f-cking ridiculous that you couldn't fill the two spots. Call everyone in the books and get someone in here. that is your job, not mine." and when I told him I called literally everyone in the book, he started pulling charts and throwing them at me across the desk saying "did you look for these extra phone numbers in their charts? you have to think of these things, i shouldnt have to tell you. This is really stupid" and THEN when i told him I called every number i could find... he just continued to yell and swear and stomp away all mad. Anyway, after he left, the assistant said he was a huge jerk and always has been.

Later he yelled at me again and another assistant saw and said she hopes i don't mind being belittled all the time because that's how he is. She also called him an ass and then walked away.

A couple days later one of the assistants was so scared of him, she was hiding from him.

It didn't matter what we did or how good we were at our job... if there was any amount of time where he wasn't working on a patient, he got upset and started bullying people around.

It was terrible and I didn't want to go to that place anymore. And I have a feeling the assistant that was hiding isn't going to be going there much longer either.

Anyway, I talked to his wife (who had been training me and who was amazing person) and she was not at all surprised that I wasn't enjoying working there and that I didn't want to continue to work there if his behavior continued. Then I called him into the back room and told him I couldn't handle being around him all day because he was making me miserable and was being too harsh. He said that that's just how he is and he doesn't need to play nice.

So the wife and I decided i would work there for a while and she would try to talk to him but she didnt think his temper would change... which was one of the reasons she didn't want to work there either. She said he was so miserable to work with, he was ruining her Christmas. I felt so bad for her.

Anyway we decided that we weren't going to call it "quitting" , and that i would work there for a while and see if he improved and they would start looking for someone else to take over my job in case things didnt work out, but she started sending me home right away, saying he was in a terrible mood and to just not worry about it.

Sooo things ended quickly and strangely and confusingly. But the bottom line is that i don't work there anymore. Which sucks cuz the hours were great and cindy was great but it's also awesome because now i dont have to go to a place that makes me cry and feel really small.

insert interesting title here

It's been a while since I updated!

Sunday School has been crazy this year. We have a bunch of kids and they're all nuts. I miss my good kids from last year! We've been working with them for a few minutes every sunday because my class (kindergarten) is teaming up with them to sing at the Advent service. The first graders behave like perfect angels and my class is all loud and all over the place. I thought maybe they were just shy being mixed in with my class but I snuck into their room today to leave some copies of the songs for them to take home and they were all sitting quietly listening to their teacher and behaving perfectly. *sniff* i want that peace and quiet back!

I do enjoy that these kids are really into hugs though. I get a lot of them!

In other news, I went to the Advent Tea at the church. Which is an event the church throws every couple of years. (i hear it's expensive which is why it doesn't happen often) What it is... a bunch of ladies volunteer to host a table and then invite guests to fill it. Patti (who hosts the Bible study i go to) hosted a table and invited me, another woman from the study, and some other nice gals. Also, men from the church volunteer to serve us. How nice is that?! They were dressed up really fancily (is that a word?) with pretty bow-ties. And they worked their butts off running all over the place, helping to prepare our food and get us our drinks and whatnot. It was nice.

Another cool thing is that every hostess goes all out to design their tables with a theme. They were SO gorgeous, i felt like i was at a really rich person's wedding. Our table's theme was Penguins! We had fancy silverware and plates and Patti even put little presents at each of our settings. (in really awesome boxes that she made herself)

There was also music, we got to be entertained by a violin and some beautiful singing the whole time. And we got to join in for a song when we all sang Silent Night in German!

And we were served a traditional German meal. .... Germans sure know how to make desserts!

In more other news, I have a job! I start tomorrow.

I went for the interview a few days ago and ended up being there for like 2 hours, mostly listening while this guy gave me his life story. I told everyone at my table at the Advent Tea about that and they all went "the job is yours!" and i was like "what?" and they said if he told me that much about himself and felt like he could talk to me for hours then the job was mine. I guess they were right!

He's really nice. It was hard to get a word in but he seems kind, i get the vibe that he has a huge heart.

It's a small office. It would be him, i think he said two assistants, and me. I was worried it would get a little lonely at first, me being up there at the front alone, but then it occured to me that women are catty and dramatic and i didnt enjoy working with too many of them in my previous offices. So i'll take a little loneliness over drama any day!

So I'm nervous and excited but i've prayed about this a lot, and I know God's going to take care of me. It's comforting knowing He's always got my back.

Standing Still

I wrote this like 6 years ago and came across it earlier, thought I'd share...

When you've fallen through cracks in the gray rock,
Where it's hard and hard to breathe,
When you've fallen through the core of the ocean,
Where you sufficate by the battle of the coral sea...

Put two hands together, bring ten fingers to a plea,
Whisper every blunder,
Gather peace without parti pris.
Put two hands together, ten fingers by His spell,
Trust Him...
You're under the apple, and He is William Tell.

When you've landed within the city of the foe,
Where you're bare and barely seen,
When you've run into every tiger's smile,
Where it's deception is in it's teeth...

Put two hands together, bring ten fingers to a kiss,
Shout out every sin,
Throw them in the abyss.
Put two hands together, ten fingers by His spell,
Trust Him...
You're under the apple, and He is William Tell.

Good Sense

The pea, the pumpkin, the pie…. A world of food for me to down.
The sauce, the sugar, the short bread… good gifts made for mine mouth.

The sound, the song, the spoken word… a world for me to hear.
The music, the melody, the merriment… good gifts made for mine ear.

The moon, the meadow, the mountain… a world made for my sight.
The land, the lake, the lava flow… good gifts made for mine eye.

The lily, the lotion, the lavender… a world of smells for me to know.
The perfume, the peony, the primrose… good gifts made for mine nose.

The pulse, the pain, the passion … a world with which I connect.
The sand, the skin, the satin… good gifts that I caress.

The substance, the spirit, the very soul… all in this world, they be.
The substance, the spirit, the very soul… good God exhaled them into me.

Well that last post was a bummer.

Things have been good lately though.

I helped out with VBS at our church a few weeks ago and LOVED it. Last year, I was the aide and helped the main teacher with crafts, this year I was shocked to discover at the VBS meeting that Alice (the woman in charge) made me the main teacher and assigned one of the Pastor's wives as being my aide! I was so nervous about being in charge because I am not a good leader, I am usually a follower. But I have to say, I was excellent! We had 1st graders, 2nd graders, and 3rd graders and I adored them all. For some reason second grade girls think I am amazing and I got constant hugs from them! And I loved seeing the 1st graders because I had just had some of them as Kindergarteners in my Sunday School class. SO CUTE, so well behaved. It was totally my influence that made them so awesome. :p

I was also nervous about having family over to see the house for the first time. I've never cooked for that many people before. But it was a huge success. I absolutely adore the family that comes with being Shane's wife. I seriously have the best in-laws ever. And the best part was that Shane's mom came up to me after dinner and told me all the food was really good... that compliment came from the QUEEN of all cooking! That comment coming from her made my summer.

Another thing that will help make the summer awesome... Shane and I will be going to California with some friends in a week! i am so excited!

Death

So my Granny is now in in-home hospice. This is the woman who uptil a year ago, I lived right next door to. She is my second mom. She helped raised me and has always been there for me. I hate when people hear that someone is dying and then shrug it off as not that important when they hear they are old. It does not matter how old the person is, it still really REALLY hurts to lose them.

Fortunately and unfortunately, my family and I aren't strangers to Hospice. 5 years ago my Deda (my grandpa... who was a father to me) passed away in Hospice. It really blows that Granny is going through the same thing now but at least I can remind myself that no matter how hard it was before, God got me through it and He will do it again. I'm so thankful that Granny is a believer and will be going to the right place after she passes.

But it's still just so incredibly hard. Especially since her mind seems to be going. She is constantly talking to people that aren't there and reaching for things that aren't there. The other day, my mom and I were getting her dressed when she told us to stop until she finished pouring a bottle of bbq sauce. (that wasn't actually there). But at least she's seeing fun things in her mind.

What makes things even harder is that up until a couple days ago, I still told myself she could fight this and come back from it. But after meeting with a Hospice nurse at the hospital, we got a booklet about death and how to know when a person is closer to passing. ... Granny has literally every single symptom in the book. She is dying. That is all there is to it. I've already eaten the last meal she will ever cook for me. I have already had the last logical conversation I can ever have with her. I have already walked through the grocery store with her for the last time. This is it. I have signed the DNR.

But today something simple happened. I went to Meijer to pick up a perscription only to discover that a coupon from the Doctor's office made it cost 90 dollars less than it should have been. Normally this is something I would tell Granny about it in a regular conversation and she would smile and tell me how great it was that I saved some money. At first I was sad when I realized I couldn't go and tell her about this and she couldn't give me her stunning smile in return. But then it hit me that I already know what her response would be. I could already hear her voice and imagine how the simple conversation would go. And as lame as it may sound, I will always have that with me. I will always have part of her with me wherever I go. I will always see her precious face and hear her sweet voice in my head. Just as I can still hear Deda tell me I'm his baby girl and smile at me with that magical sparkle in his eyes that only he ever had. I used to think about that and be sad but now it makes me smile. And though thinking about Granny now makes me cry, I'm comforted in knowing that years from now, I'll hear that voice in my head and smile.

Until then I just pray. God, get me through this.

wishing i had something to be proud of...